Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong a little friendly competition here and there. Honestly, this can be an effective way to keep you on your toes, when attempting to conquer a goal. However, when the competitive spirit of one of the players begins to walk that shady line of jealousy or envy, you have a problem. This can sometimes be hard to identify initially because people generally like to give their friends the benefit of the doubt, instead of immediately assuming something negative, so the signs are often missed for extended periods of time. After repetitive encounters, the truth becomes more evident. But, as the old folks say, hindsight is 20/20!
What makes it difficult to quickly pinpoint and differentiate between friendly competition and jealousy is the fact that it’s done in such a subtle manner, like during a basic conversation between friends. But, there are ALWAYS signs! Pay close attention to that person’s mannerisms and body language when you tell them about your achievements. Or frequent probing questions for personal specifics, instead of an endearing ‘congratulations.’ For example, if you tell your “friend” that you secured a new position and their immediate response is regarding how much money you’re going to be making…..this may be a little suspicious, since someone that is truly happy for you would most likely praise your accomplishment before inquiring about personal details. Or when you buy your first house or get a new car and they respond with, “How did you get that?” Now the most obvious action is when they literally copy everything that you do in an attempt to “outdo” you, regardless of whether this is feasible or not for them. This is definitely a red flag! For instance, you buy a new car and they have to go get a new car too, knowing that it’s not in their budget. When they are willing to compete blindly, regardless of the stakes, the relationship has now transformed from friends to rivals.
It is important to understand the clear distinction between the actions and responses of a true friend and a contender, so that you will know how to maneuver going forward, in regards to these types of individuals. For me, I dismiss these kind of people from my life when I realize that they have no intention of being a supportive person in my life. Honestly, I have been blinded by my love for a person and/or my willingness to give to them the ‘benefit of the doubt.’ However, my lesson was absolutely learned and concretely received.
When you really think about it, it’s not even possible to compliment someone else’s life with your presence when you fear them being in better place than you. If someone’s sole purpose is to outshine you and your triumphs, you better believe that they will NEVER offer you any meaningful knowledge on advancement and development. Better yet, they will hold any beneficial information hostage in hopes that this will allow them to transcend your level of success.
Remember this……When in competition, there can only be ONE winner. But, REAL friends have a true desire to see their entire team winning!
