Category: Journal

Being a girl is so hard.  The expectations for who we should be, what we should do, or how we should look are beyond shackling.  Society paralyzes our will to be ourselves, ensuring that a piece of who we are is stripped away with every new trend or fad.  Whether it’s better to be curvy or slim, smart or popular are all internal battles that keep us from maintaining individualization, because there’s always another photo or song that tells us what’s desirable, or not.  More recently, the idea that females who identify themselves as a “savage” is more self-sufficient or independent than those who remain kind and humble; but this couldn’t be further from the truth.  After all, anyone that has to demean or hurt others to prove themselves, are typically insecure and dependent on the approval of others.  When you’re truly self-sufficient and independent, you radiate strength and confidence through your humility and compassion. 

It’s so hurtful to see girls and women in a vicious cycle of self-hatred….but sadly, feeding on one’s insecurities is how many businesses increase their revenue.  What society should be doing instead is promoting self-love and self-acceptance.  But please hear me clearly!  Loving, cherishing, and accepting who you are, completely, begins with you!  This requires no validation from anyone else.  When you feel good about yourself, it shows; you have an undeniable glow. 

The one thing I’ve learned over the years, is that people will always have something to say about you, regardless how beautiful, how amazing, how compassionate, or whatever you are. So, in that instance, overlooking your perfect imperfections to meet society’s standards is pointless if the approval you’re searching for will never truly be fulfilling or complete.

The point I want to make is that loving yourself will free you from the bondage of societal peer pressure.  Ladies, fall in love with every single part of yourself!  Show the world that your flaws are what sets you apart and that having something different makes you all that the more special.  Remember, the things that we sometimes feel is awkward, are the very things that leave people in awe of us.  Be bold, be fearless, and be confident in YOU.  Show it, wear it, feel it, breathe it.  EMBODY YOUR BEAUTY!  

Society promotes self-hatred…..Choose to say NO to societal peer pressure.  And say YES to being your own first love!

The elders have always told us that experience is the best teacher, but at the time, we didn’t understand. We didn’t quite grasp the concept, so we labeled them as crazy and weird. Well….now look at us. Understanding has been gained by way of life’s hard ass whoopings. SMH! The past year has been relentless in forcing me examine myself and the people around me. Through all of the sorrow, depression, anxiety, and doubtfulness, I found that I was in the midst of some dangerous individuals. Typically, when you hear the word “dangerous,” your brain automatically translates to coincide with something violent. But no! This is even worse. These people act in a way that is so subtle that a lot of the initial red flags are hard to read. And please understand this…anyone could fit this mold….significant others, friends, family, who-the-fuck-ever!!!!

Picture this. You’re dating someone and maybe some things are lacking. Or, maybe they’ve cheated or just failed to be attentive. What about being overly jealous and obsessive? You try to work it out and be patient, attempt to communicate the issues to no avail, and then after a while, you’re done. HOWEVER, once you end the relationship….you have now become the bad guy. And here comes along the type of person with what I refer to as the “How Dare You” Mentality.

How dare you leave me when I’m not finished emotionally and mentally abusing you? How are you stop allowing me to control you? How dare you not wait for me to be ready? How dare you get tired of me treating you like shit and cheating on you? How the fuck dare you?

People with this “How Dare You” Mentality fail to the acknowledge their wrongfulness in any situation; this could be intentional. They will always be the gotdamn victim somehow, someway. In their eyes, you are not allowed to quit being abused, neglected, taken for granted, etc.

This is very common in close friendships and family relationships, because you always want to give them the “benefit of the doubt.” So in other words, we choose NOT to believe that they are exactly who they are showing us they are. This is to make ourselves feel better about constantly giving them money, letting them live with you for free, or whatever the case may be….we prefer to believe that the people we love wouldn’t use or mistreat us, but this is highly irrational. Because as soon as you come to your senses….

How dare you stop letting me use you? How dare you make me hold my own? HOW DARE YOU?!

And have no doubts about it, there lashing out will not be in those kind words at all. You’ll definitely be a “bitch” or an “asshole” to their other friends or family members. Remember….they must portray the victim, and the victim will ALWAYS leave out all of the good you did for them though.

Moral of the story, stop being stupid and be happy!! Don’t do shit for people that won’t reciprocate that same level of love when you need it. It doesn’t matter who it is. BREAK THE UNHEALTHY CYCLES!!! You don’t have to tolerate an “ain’t shit” man just because your mama did. And you don’t have to be everybody’s “go-to” person. Fuck that!! How about this…..

Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong a little friendly competition here and there.  Honestly, this can be an effective way to keep you on your toes, when attempting to conquer a goal.  However, when the competitive spirit of one of the players begins to walk that shady line of jealousy or envy, you have a problem.  This can sometimes be hard to identify initially because people generally like to give their friends the benefit of the doubt, instead of immediately assuming something negative, so the signs are often missed for extended periods of time.  After repetitive encounters, the truth becomes more evident.  But, as the old folks say, hindsight is 20/20!

What makes it difficult to quickly pinpoint and differentiate between friendly competition and jealousy is the fact that it’s done in such a subtle manner, like during a basic conversation between friends.  But, there are ALWAYS signs!  Pay close attention to that person’s mannerisms and body language when you tell them about your achievements.  Or frequent probing questions for personal specifics, instead of an endearing ‘congratulations.’  For example, if you tell your “friend” that you secured a new position and their immediate response is regarding how much money you’re going to be making…..this may be a little suspicious, since someone that is truly happy for you would most likely praise your accomplishment before inquiring about personal details.  Or when you buy your first house or get a new car and they respond with, “How did you get that?”  Now the most obvious action is when they literally copy everything that you do in an attempt to “outdo” you, regardless of whether this is feasible or not for them.  This is definitely a red flag!  For instance, you buy a new car and they have to go get a new car too, knowing that it’s not in their budget.  When they are willing to compete blindly, regardless of the stakes, the relationship has now transformed from friends to rivals. 

It is important to understand the clear distinction between the actions and responses of a true friend and a contender, so that you will know how to maneuver going forward, in regards to these types of individuals.  For me, I dismiss these kind of people from my life when I realize that they have no intention of being a supportive person in my life.  Honestly, I have been blinded by my love for a person and/or my willingness to give to them the ‘benefit of the doubt.’  However, my lesson was absolutely learned and concretely received. 

When you really think about it, it’s not even possible to compliment someone else’s life with your presence when you fear them being in better place than you.  If someone’s sole purpose is to outshine you and your triumphs, you better believe that they will NEVER offer you any meaningful knowledge on advancement and development. Better yet, they will hold any beneficial information hostage in hopes that this will allow them to transcend your level of success. 

Remember this……When in competition, there can only be ONE winner.  But, REAL friends have a true desire to see their entire team winning!